Korl... Kerl.. Koiln... Cologne. 9 things.

Let me give you a few quick facts about Cologne, that German city with a name I still struggle to pronounce in German (Köln).

1. It's not in France, which I had always thought when I was younger, because I thought all perfumes and the like came from France. Instead, it was an Italian man who created  the scent Kölnisch Wasser (Water of Cologne). It's still in production today. I didn't smell any. 

Inside the Dom

2. It has a famous and beautiful Gothic cathedral - or Dom - with two distinctive, steep and high towers that mark the skyline. The cornerstone was laid in 1248, and since that time it has weathered time, seasons, pollution, acid rain, bombs, and people, going through several repairs. Although the original stone is a pale much of it is dark now, blackened. It's an imposing building. It's impressive. Inside it's beautiful too, high ceilings and stone and wood and beautiful windows. We walked up the Dom - nearly 900m up narrow and winding staircases, with a stop along the way next to the bells (which then promptly went off; it was rather loud. Some people screamed in surprise. Not me) - and a view at the top. Which brings us to...

3. It's flat. Köln is so flat. Looking out, across the flat land from the tall belfry of the Dom, you really get a sense of how flat the flatness is. Well, there are some rises and dips of course but most of the area is just a flat plain. Which is partly because...

4. It's on the edge of the Rhine river. This is important for any city, and shapes it both physically and in terms of population and production. The Rhine runs 1,233kms from the Swiss Alps to the North Sea in the Netherlands. It's been a major highway for transporting all manner of things throughout history - merchandise, migrants, marauders, and just people trying to get from one place to another. It's wide, and smells a strange mix of saline mud and fresh air.


5. Köln has a Shokoladenmuseum, which includes a range of displays about the history of cocoa and chocolate production. It has everything - traditional methods of preparation of the cocoa nut, Mesoamerican figurines of reverence, trends and changes in the marketing of chocolate, a small but certainly working Lindt factory, and a shop. The mini factory was especially interesting, as it had half its guts exposed and you could watch the process of the chocolate being mixed and set in moulds, then turned out. I also rather liked the examples of chocolate brand and marketing, but cannot, from where I am right now, see myself eating chocolate called 'Cats Tongues.' No. Well, maybe if I tipped it out of the box and then left it there for a while so I could distance myself from the thought of eating the raspy pink tongue of a poor little kitten.

Cat's tongues. Mmmmm. It's a German thing.

A Roman mosaic in the museum

6. Romans were everywhere. You know Germany? They were all over that shit, back in the day. I had no idea. I mean, I knew, but I didn't really have any idea. The Romans were scarily present throughout so much of Europe (and other places). The Römisch-Germanischen Museum, very near the the Dom, is fantastic. I've already seen a lot of Roman stuff this year, but this was probably the best and most interesting collection of items - from another gorgeous mosaic still in the place it was uncovered in the ground, to statues, to tiny trinkets, to incredible glass jars that have lasted thousands of years and still look beautiful. We spent a long time in this museum. (NOTE: There was also a mustard museum, which we spent 1 minute in.)

7. There will be wasps. If there is sunshine, the wasps will be there. Especially around bakeries. And no one cares! If you bake it, they will come, and people will just eat the food anyway. I don't know how more people don't get stung.

8. Unsurprisingly, the main language is German. Most people also have some English, but there's no guarantee. People usually have a decent amount of a second language, but it may very well be French, or Italian, or something else strange and indefinable. I took an introductory German course earlier this year, so I knew how to say "Hallo!" and "Tsuss!" along with "Ya," "Nein" and could count to 12 if called upon. I was no great help. But it all works out well. No one seemed to care! I think we were a little like the wasps, getting mostly indifference and sometimes a little attention depending on where exactly we popped up. My favourite word: Partyfahrten

Floor in the Dom

9. Things are on the reasonable-cheap playing field. Especially if you've come from London, where everything is darn expensive (no matter what your boss who used to live in London says). Food is cheaper, clothes are cheaper, and a lot of the attractions are cheaper (see "reasonable") as well.


We went in late August, and booked our sleep at the Station Hostel, which was quite nice. It was a hostel. We had our own room, with a real bed in it, and a bathroom, and a little closet - a heck of a lot better than our previous hostel experiences. Although we couldn't get wifi from the hostel in our room, we could reach it from the Hostel bar so I could find some new music to listen on Spotify (and some old goodies). We spent a lot of time sleeping, actually, especially me. I have been so tired. The rain helped make some decisions for me, and because the Station hostel is right next to the train station in the centre of Cologne it was easy to duck back for a nap then head out again.

Then this one time, I drank an amazing hot chocolate. It was covered in cream. Oh man. That was good.